Friday, July 02, 2010

Post 212-The Switch

Normally I chug along in life just doing my thing. I usually feel like I'm in a bubble, where nothing changes much and I don't feel any older or different. Other than having two pets and a roommate, I don't have a husband or children to watch change or mark the passing of time. Everyone once in awhile the bubble bursts and I find myself questioning everything and basically over analyze the things in my life that are out of balance, what I am doubting. Depression can set in, and a little has, but so has anger and hatred, which are both sort of new to me. All I have to do is flip the switch in my head but this time it's not so easy. I'm struggling. My usually thing to do is slow down, concentrate, analyze, problem solve and relax, then I feel a change and the switch is done. I find a way to make the bad, good, the unhappy, fortunate. Sometimes it's harder than others when things come to you from all sides, and that is where I find myself. I look to friends for guidance when I'm in this predicament, but since I'm currently questioning said friends, I find myself without all my tools I need for battle.
I think I'm tired. I just bought tickets to visit my grandmother for a whole week during Labor Day, but damn, that's two months off. I do have a 3.5 day weekend because of the holiday, I will try to make the most of it and see how I feel at the end of it.
Goals for the weekend: clean house, redo my bedroom, leave the state for the day and buy artisan cheese, bike ride near water, knit, take a nap outdoors, drink a cocktail, smile a true smile and not a convenient one.

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